Caribbean Jokes from forwards...cleaning out my mailbox

Grenadian Interpretation

USA: Here Kitty kitty.. get down from the roof. Grenada: Ey yuh ole
dutty stinkin cyat, come off de bleddy gyalvanize before ah drop
two stone in yuh ass!

USA: Aren't those pants a bit short? Grenada: Yuh expekin flood or
wha?

USA: Sir, please don't throw my luggage like that. Grenada: Buh wha
trouble is dis? Boy stop flingin meh grip so.

USA: Lift the hood of the car for me John. Grenada: Yute-man, fly
de bonnet nuh!

USA: I love you girl. Grenada: Ah rell check fuh yuh, yuh know.

USA: Oh the poor little boy is handicap. Grenada: Look at de lil
invalid...

USA: It's time for a perm. Grenada: Gyul , yuh head need
straightenin bad. Yuh doh see all de gren-gren showin.

USA: I have a stomach ache. Grenada: Oh gorm..............meh belly
gripein meh.

USA: He has no manners. Grenada: He doh have no broughtupcy.

USA: WOW!...........he has such a bad body odor Grenada: Yuh
doesn't bade?.......oh sh*t man...... yuh smellin stink!

USA: Josh is suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder. Grenada:
Dat chile too dam harden.

USA: He has a touch of Dyslexia. Grenada: He duncee fuh so.

USA: I need a bottle of Peptobismol...my stomach hurts. Grenada: Ah
need ah wash out bad...ah cork up.

USA: It's been a long time since I've seen you girl. Grenada:
A..A...! You still alive gyul?

USA: Oh my goodness, we have lost electricity. Grenada:
.....current gorn again.

USA: This meal is not too bad. Grenada: Wha doh kill does fatten
and wha doh fatten does purge.

USA: Oh my, your feet are so ashy. Grenada:Is how yuh foot and dem
look like yuh was kickin flour so...yuh couldn't a rub lil coconut
oil on yuh foot?

(ok.. so they have a slight tendency of being blunt and lack a lil' etiquette in some cases)

Trini Joke

An Trini guy, a guyanese man, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and .. it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The old woman, beautiful girl and the Triniguy are sitting there looking perplexed. The Guyanese is bent over holdinghis face which is red from an apparent slap.

The old woman is thinking : That guyanese guy must have tried to kiss that girland got slapped.

The guyanese is thinking : "Damn it,that Trini guy must have tried to kiss the beautiful girl, she thought it was me and slapped me instead."

The beautiful girl is thinking : "That guyanese must have moved to kiss me,but kissed the old lady instead and got slapped."

The Trini is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that guyanese again.


A Simple Friend vs A Real Friend vs A Caribbean Friend


A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND CAUSE DE DAMN TEARS IN DE FUS PLACE


A simple friend doesn't know your parent's first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND KNOW WHERE DEY LIVIN', WHAT DEY COOKIN' ON WHAT DAY, AND
WILL SHOW UP AT THEIR DOORSTEPS (added: eat dey food, bring some home in dey plastic (sunflower butter) container and never bring it back)

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND COME LATE, BRING A SET OF PEOPLE AND THEN TALK ABOUT YOU WHEN ALL DE FOOD AND BOOZE DONE

A simple friend hates it when you call after they have gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND SCREENIN' DE CALL AND DOH ANSWER WHEN IS YOU

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND WILL LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEMS AND CRY WID YOU, EVEN OFFER TO HELP YOU, THEN TELL EVERYBODY AND ADD A LITTLE MORE JUICE TO THE STORY

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history,
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A CARIBBEAN FRIEND WILL BLACKMAIL YOU AND STILL TELL EVERYBODY

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
OH GOSH...A CARIBBEAN FRIEND OPEN YUH FRIDGE, CLEAN IT OUT, COMPLAIN YUH AIN'T HAVE ENOUGH, THEN TELL DE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD DEY MOUTH WAS DRY

(that's what friends are for?)


West Indians (not really a joke... just W.I. pride)

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.

Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher,

Their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however,one exception.

A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I am not an American." replied Gita.

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud West Indian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.

She asks Gita why she is a West Indian.

"Well, my mom and dad are West Indians, so I'm a West Indian too.

The teacher is now angry,"That's no reason", she says loudly
"if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be
then?" A pause, and a smile . "Then" says Gita, "I'd be an American."


Rasta Application
>>~~~~Application and Interview~~~~>>
Name: Bobo Dread Amaka Baka Fari

Age: I man no count birtday

Date of birth: Mi sey Rasta noh deal wid dem tings mon

Address: uppa di hills a Wesmorlan

Tel No.: I man no participate in di Babylon system

Marital Status: single married

No. of children: I an I hav nuff common law wit 21 lickle soljas a run roun' di island

Occupation: Sell Jelly coconut pan Spanish town road and gunja outta mi kitchen winda

Company Name: I man nuh keep company, yuh nuh see it

Present position: Mi like di lizard lap position, but mi open to any adda position.


Financial Information --> Average monthly income: depends pan di season n' di demands fi di weed, sometimes business slow an ting.

Credit Reference: Mor' Fyah!!! I man no deal wit credit... strictly up front dollas a do it.

Unsecured Overdraft limit: Chat H'english.... A wha di rass dat mean?

Overdraft limit: Mi seh yuh fi chat English.

Personal loan amount: Tony owe mi bout 40gran... a gwine buss im clautwhen mi buck im up... watch mi an im.

Monthly payment: Ask Tony... cause a monts now mi nuh si not a cent fram im.

No. Of Payments outstanding: Yuh def!! Mi sey Tony nuh gi mi back mi money so all a it outstanding!!!

Loan amount: Mi nah pay mortgage fi mi zinc shed.... is I man buil'dat.

Monthly Payment: yuh come back a ask di same foolishness.

No. Of monthly payment outstanding: is wha' do dis ooman? MI SEY TONY NUH PAY MI YET!!!

This interview is over~~~ Application for Loan~~~~DENIED>>GOH WEH!!!... unu hypocrite and sadomite unu!!

75 Lessons that MUST be learned in relationships.......

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
6. Don't force an attraction
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don't settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.
18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. If he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the
situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he
treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.
29. You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow
himself--double-standard.
31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!
34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else's man.
40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.
42. Use painful hard-won wisdom to 'get it right' the next time.
43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb ...
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone
unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don't love yourself...you can't love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55. Never become your man's "therapist".
56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you
there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.
59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you are always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, you can't force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.
62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother's house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
67. Never spoil your man let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When its time to let go, let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don't play games.
72. You can't make a whore into a housewife - or husband.
73. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs,
personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
75. Never date a guy who wears coloured contacts.

"It is not my responsibility to prove to you who I am. It is not my job to prove to you who I am not. My job and responsibility is to be who I am and honor 'myself' in the process. You have a right to think whatever you want to think about me.. Just because you think it does not change who I am. I, however, must know the truth about me."

My Quizzes

What's Your Flavor?

Mmm ... peppermint! Crisp and refreshing, you're the flavor of candy canes and after-dinner mints — everyone's favorite comfort candies. If you were a season, you'd be winter — bracing and energizing, but cozy, too. Your honesty and forthright personality make people feel like they've known you forever — they can't help but be drawn to your sweet, fresh nature. Perhaps a little old-fashioned, and occasionally shy, you're generally happy and well-liked. Traditional and invigorating, you're a truly tasty treat.

Does Your Self-Esteem Need a Makeover?

shell, your self-esteem is In Great Shape

Good for you! Your self-esteem looks pretty healthy to us! Maybe you don't consider yourself a total rock star, but our guess is that others do! Regardless of what other people think, you know that you're pretty darn great.You also know that a big part of feeling good and looking good is taking care of yourself and treating your body right. The key is in your attitude and not freaking out when you don't get the greatest grade on a test or when someone else has the same outfit on as you. You take it in stride and see that it's the big picture that matters most. Your mature and confident approach will surely take you straight to the top in anything you do. Congrats! Keep it up!

What's Your Divine Inspiration?

shell, you're divinely inspired when it comes to Culture!

Get up and go? You've got it. You enjoy new experiences and new people because you are inspired by how others view the world. You're not only curious, you allow for the possibility that there are many ways to approach life. And what better way to find the right path for yourself than by discovering what other cultures admire as art, how they communicate with each other, and what they enjoy as delicacies. After all, it's the journey that's important to you, not necessarily the destination.Since you're open-minded, you probably enjoy moving from one crowd to another, with equal enthusiasm for all kinds of people. And your natural ability to create a friendly environment for everyone will serve you well wherever your journeys take you. Bon voyage!