revelations

Listening to "No such thing" by John Mayer

Well today was rather interesting... Here's how it all started...

I woke up and got ready to go to school with mom. As i'm a graduating senior, i don't HAVE to wear school uniform rather i wear anything i want. I had been wearing jeans and tees whole week and decided on a change - a mini skirt and a .. tank top its called? Or strap top?.. ummm yes.. and ofcourse my school shirt (we were getting our shirts signed and such today)

So i went and everybody was like "awww i like your skirt" and "aww you look cute today" OR "you have a date or something? How you dress up so?"... Then Tina came over and i teased her some more about her still having exams (MUHAHAHA... well she brought it up first :P.. couldn't help but be a good friend and oblige)... She's missing Guyana like crazy. Then i was telling her about my Soca addiction last night, and lmao, she got hyper too. (Real Caribbean gyal.. so the hyperness in me started all over again . lol)

Then i got people to sign my shirt - the whole class did except for Monique (long story.. explained possibly at bottom) and Ramon (he wasn't in school today).. I'll post pictures of shirt later.. Oh, i did ask Monique if she wanted to sign, and she said no.. so i was like.. ok then. Fine with me... Ofcourse, i felt like a stupidy (i didn't show it.. i'm good at hiding emotions) and then i was telling Dan and he was all like "You were showing you were the bigger person.. if she wants to be immature about it.. that's her business".. Then hear the most ridiculous thing, Shereen's throwing herself all over Garth.. She had him sign on her boob.. i was like.. what the hell... He has a GF already! Throwing yourself on him is just casting a bad impression to everybody else... She nearly beat down Mickey to get to Garth so he could sign the shirt.. i was standing there next to Mickey.. and was like.. maybe i should step back.

Today was Shikha's birthday thing... her birthday is two months away but she brought it forward as no one would actually be here for the day. I have this thing about must going to friends invites no matter what my feelings regarding the other persons are.... You know, show face, because i know i would like it if they came to my stuff too rather than just NOT come..

After Grad. practice, i had to decide how i planned to get there... Shall i go with Mickey? Shall i go with Shikha? Shall i wait an hour or two to take a ride down with mom?

Now if i went with Mickey, i'll eventually bounce back up with Shikha and them... Plus i was familiar with the people she was going with as they're all my classmates :P such as Nicholas (my new good guy friend), Garth, Shane, Robbie, Gabriel a.k.a. Gabsy, Kathy-ann a.k.a. Kathy OR my stylist, and Shereen a.k.a. Sherie...

If i went with Shikha, I'd be with Tuesday and Monique. I have no problem with Tuesday... but you see, the hang-out with just Tues and Shikha was weird enough as is a couple days ago.. It was really uncomfortable. And if i were to think really deep down, i would say maybe i have a slight bit of jealousy regarding the friendship... like i envy it, but i don't want to be a part of it, period. Going with them, with Monique there would have been twice or thrice as bad... with her holier-than-thou attitude.. I would have felt sooo out of place and uncomfortable.. SO i went with Mickey.

When we were leaving, Nick couldn't believe i was coming with them.. lol... he kept asking "for real? You're coming with us? Honest to God? You are?" and when we were leaving he shouted out to my mom and was like "We have your daughter".. lol and my mom shouted back "Robbie, you're responsible for her"... and we all started laughing.

From there, Mickey, Shane and myself went to Shane's house so that he could get a hat and his wallet. Then we walked down through a shortcut (i'm learning Grenada) and then took a bus to Grand Anse... where we bounced up with everyone else. There, we went to the mall and I bought a Sprite and an Elephant ear (oh.. and the supermarket guy was there lol.. thats another story)

Oh and one last digression... Mickey introduced me to this boy named Robyn. OMG he's soo adorable!! He's 13. When he grows up, he'd have the girls falling at his feet... He's sooo cute, and is a total sweetheart.. or so it seems

During that time, Gabsy and the rest of the boys were picking up some alcohol.. you know - rum punch, vodka, bottle of water, orange juice to chase.. (Only Kian - we bounced into him at the mall - was underaged and had a fake ID.. i didn't realise how many kids in my class were soo old... I'm like a baby in comparison. Ramon's 20! Shane's the oldest at 20.. probably beating Ramon by a couple months.. Gabs is 19)

Then the whole posse moved to KFC to get ice - that is everyone mentioned above including one more, Naomi - she's in a lower Form. Then we went on SGU campus, at the cafeteria at the beach... where i bounced into Sergey.. *sigh*

Sergey was SUPPOSED to be my good friend. Atleast thats what i considered him.. When he left to go to Sweden, we somehow managed to maintain contact.. which is alot more than most people can say... Yet when i asked to find out when exactly the date he was arriving ( in Grenada for summer) about a week after he first told me, he denied ever having mentioned such a thing .. Now i've found out that .. HE ARRIVED ON THIS ISLAND... HAS BEEN HERE FOR DAYS... and EVERYBODY who's NOT his friend knows he's here... and i ONLY FOUND OUT because... Shikha came up and was like "Oh Sergey's here you know. I spoke to him yesterday." and something about Monique and him having/asking for her/his number or the other...

NOW.. Monique and him were no't any kind of friends, nor is he with Shikha, nor Tuesday...but then again i could be wrong, but that would make them hypocrites for saying the things they said about him when he's not there... BUT not only am i only the last person to know, and only to have seen his face by accidentally being on campus... BUT he might be going to the ball because TUESDAY AND MONIQUE want him to come... WHAT THE HELL?!! Are you kidding me?! When I invited him to come MONTHS ago.. he said.. well i can't remember but i know it was most definitely not a yes... And Tuesday has more influential power than me with regards to him...?! One should hear the stuff she has to say about him.. *sigh* -.-* these people confuse me..

When i saw him i was like... i greeted him... he pretended not to see me.. then i confronted him and then eventually walked away when he started up with some lame excuse...*stupes* .. let me not ruin my evening with the details of what followed after. I don't understand.. i just... really don't

*20th October, 2004*
Maybe i over-exaggerated.. It's just that i felt like i should have been one of the first people to have known, and i only found out through hearsay.. and i only saw him that day through mere coincidence... Atleast now i know where i stand right? I didn't bother to call him after the meeting, nor did he try to call me.. However, when he went back to Sweden he IMed me trying to make a joke out of it.. i think i got disconnected.. thank you C&W for doing the honours..

31st October, 2004
i'm talking back to him. Am i weak or what? He says he didn't want to embarass me because i was with my form 5 gang (seniors)... plz... i talked to him when he was still in Grenada infront of them.. i don't care for such things.. a friend is a friend... embarassed? not the word that comes to mind...

Anyways, back on course, the boys bought food and then we walked down further the beach to like a kind-of deserted run-down hut/bar. Everyone was just drinking and kixing and such.. me? I was talking to Danny for the most of it.. and having Gabs trying to convince me to try his strong rum punch mix. He think i look stupid?!

It's hard to explain it now... Mickey was giving Nicholas a massage. Shereen was drunk and was with Garth and Gabs.. nuff said. I couldn't do anything because a) I was shocked! She lied to me!! and b) Them boys already says she's 'class property'.. what's the most i could do? c) she would want me to take a *shot* of Vodka.. NO WAY am I getting DRUNK! Puh-lease.. I was talking to Daniel. Kegan was trying to jump on the roof to get to a tree. Robbie and them were just talking and stuff..

Now hear the biggest joke.. Anil came. I personally have no problem with Anil other than the fact that he mistakes his surroundings for a trash can... particularly Alex's desk and mine.. BUT the boys don't like him at all.. -.- no comment. I have no problem with the guy. About two minutes after we get there, Robbie, Kegan and Daniel show up and Anil says "them white boys only following us.." right.. the last person who should be talking about following... Anyways, we ignored his stupid little comment.


Ummm then they started playing spin-the-bottle. Oh yes, before that happened i showed Mickey a new rating for Dan (Inside thing, how i rate guys lol.. or my easy signals of my ratings that she alone knows, lol, hence the inside thing.. basically, i like him again a little bit)... Shereen was spinning it and calling who and who should kiss etc etc... Me and dan wasn't in it.. THEN all of a sudden i heard my name being called.. with another!! Next thing everybody was saying was "Daniel and Shellon"... My reaction - WHAT?! I'm wasn't playing!... I continued talking but they kept teasing Dan. Next thing he's like.. turn your face.. so i was like.. huh? (As i didn't see how it related to what we were talking about).. Then he kisses me. My eyes open wider in shock. I honestly didn't see it coming.. It was a peck lol. Mickey was like "what kinda hollywood movie kiss is that?".. I ignored her.. i think i was blushing.. lol .. tina must not find out about this ..

Then Nicholas was on one side of me, Mickey was sitting on him. Dan on the other, i was leaning on him. And ,lol, i dunno how exactly it happened but Shane then sat on Mickey.. These drunk crazy people. lol. Mickey was like no no no no no... too heavy. So Shane came and hugged me lol, and said "whoa you're so small. You're light. I could pick you up so easy"... (ok so he said a lil' bit more.. with the regards to umm *ahem*.. nevermind) I was about to fall because my feet was like.. a good bit away from his, so i was leaning towards him and he hugged me for longer than i expected..

Then Nicholas was pissed that Anil was there.. I really don't see the logic in what i'm about to say.. he was so mad that he just kept taking shots of Vodka.. he had like 8. When i say shots.. i mean .. 1/8 to 1/4 of a KFC coke cup worth of Vodka as a shot... Oh and all the other boys joined in.. Then they were like "Shereen and Shellon's turn".. I was like Hell NO.. And they tried and tried and tried.. and then Mickey said "No, want Miss to kill me? I'm responsible for her, I don't want her to get drunk" Thank you :P.. Then Shereen and Garth drank the shot.. or shots..

Then Kegan and them started smoking weed.. which leads to another point at which i'm pissed about.. and i'll speak of it in another entry... Shereen was included in that "them". I honestly don't know what the hell does be going through that child mind nah.. Nicholas then gets really sick, and me and Mickey started playing nurse. He couldn't walk or anything.. We had went to the mall and when we were going back to the beach, he kept like tipping over.. Mickey helped to keep him balanced, I helped to keep him from falling on the road... The whole way he just kept saying how pissed he was that Anil had come to the beach with them.. and the other boys joined in. I still think that was stupid.. then they were discussing how Anil didn't do anything. How he faked smoking weed. etc etc. I don't see how that can make someone want to get drunk quick though..

And all Nicholas kept saying is "I hope your impression of me hasn't changed" (to me).. then he felt really bad because he felt responsible towards me. I could handle myself, plus i have Mickey, so he need not be worried.. But he still felt really bad...

Then Shane and them came and stayed with him.. it was getting late and 2 girls on a beach does not indicate safety.. Oh and they took him home.

Hmm i learned alot today... i never knew they were such good friends because they're always teasing each other.. like really mean.. But when it came down to being there for each other.. the first person Nick said to call for was the last person i thought he would.. he kept saying "Call Shane, he'd make sure i get home safely".. i was like awwwww... When Shane came, i saw a totally different side to him. Cherisse is lucky to have him as her bf.

Then Mickey and I went to the mall to find Shikha and them.. it was a bit uncomfortable - as predicted.. but i had fun today. It was something different.. But i don't want to become like them..

Ok honestly, a part of me was like really reserved... i was kinda there, but not quite... my mind being somewhere else.. I dunno whats wrong with me.. I couldn't just let myself have fun totally.. I was worrying about little things... and missing the moment... perhaps?.. A part of me kept holding back.. hmm... i guess when you make keeping your distance a habit.. that's what happens..

Oh well.. it's gonna change.. No i'm not going to become a drunk nor a loose girl :P MOST DEFINITELY NOT... watch me pull out the brakes on that one... Hmm.. NY would help alot. Change of scenery.. i need to be away.. way away from here.. to think

Oh and i saw Brookie today.. with Jonathan.. That girl is a fool... She's still running after him for heaven knows what.. She asked for them to be together again and he said "no, you cheated on me.. you did this.. you did that".. HELLO BROOKIE he had sex with you and posted it online and sent it to EVERYONE, including your family... like your dad here and your sister..... IN AUSTRALIA..! which do you think is worse? (and that's just a pinch of the whole story... -.- I don't understand.. i really don't)

(yes i'm trying to reduce my use of 'like'.. bad habit)

Essentially - i didn't expect to feel so welcomed and all.. And they all felt responsible towards me.. awww *rolls eyes* I'm not a baby.. sheesh.. But another cute thing was that whenever the guys swore, they would be like “sorry” or stop halfway and substitute with another word. Isn’t that nice and gentlemanly..?

Oh and nope, my like ratio dropped back down to normal levels in the Dan department. *Phew!* that was close..